Are you one of those people who silently prays for unknown when an ambulance passes by?

Omg! I knew I couldn’t be alone. As a child, the sound of siren use to really scare me like bone-chilling then one day my dad suggested that rather than being scared, that I should pray for the people they were going to help.Since then that is what i have done. It’s few days since I’m thinking about someone who was diagnosed with cancer. It doesn’t just affect those diagnosed but those around them too. I pray she finds courage. She bring joy and hope when dealt one of the worst of all cards in her life. I began to realize that perhaps it isn’t the quantity of life that we should mark a life well live by, rather the quality of life. It’s terrified how much losing loved one hurts. Even when they have chosen to leave you, the pain is indescribable. How do you begin to explain that sense of loss that leaves you so empty that a gentle breeze is able to knock you over?

It’s unbearably cold and the wind is taking great pleasure in slicing through my skin. Everywhere it touches it leaves pain. There is a throbbing pain in my right shoulder because I have been shooting clay pigeons.My eyes are mere slits, trying to keep the wind out and make me feel like, I have lost something. And how does it feel to lose something you didn’t know you owned. I try not to swipe my desk clean with one strong, simultaneous stroke of both my hands.

I am at my holiday cottage on a foraging expedition. I have spend time in forest. I spend my weekend in woods to find out what dramas are being played out in wooded areas. Now, I knew as much as about the hidden life of trees as a butcher knows about the emotional life of animals. At this point I Know where I want to be buried. I want to be buried in the forest under the trees.The roses are dying. Crisp rust colored layers are lining the edges of pale pink. The green in the leaves is fading away as well. How long before you give up? How long before you decide you can’t take no more? Do you know forest have immigrants too? Having a special status in the forest? I didn’t know until I met one. The most astonishing thing about tress is how social they are. The trees in a forest care for each other. They communicate. I have planted a tree in memory of my father in our backyard. I spend hours of walking tree-line streets. I was able to talk to a tree without flinching . I asked one tree have you ever said to someone “your heart and my heart are very very old friends?” And you mean it. I am waiting for tree to respond me back. He is too busy looking after his own affairs. I ask myself Baseless questions and allow my mind to wander the fantastical grooves of vacant evening walks. I wonder if they know Brexit has been on more dates than average human being. They don’t have nervous system, but they can still feel what’s going on, and experience something analogous to pain. When a tree is cut, it sends electrical signals like wounded human tissues. I cried. I wish you all trees die natural death.

I’m done taking myself out on crisp, frosty morning to forage for breakfast. It was fantastic. And it sounds idyllic. I am off to waitrose.