You know, sometimes in weak moments you make spicy choices which give you heart burn later? I am a free soul of my heart not a prisoner of my brain, so I occasionally make spicy choices which give me serious heart burn later.

My life feels like that moment when a speeding car brakes suddenly and the body is confused, just for a second, whether to lurch forward or slam back.

I am in that confusion today. Inhaling, exhaling, living. A soldier who doesn’t know how to fight. A friend who has no comforting words to confide. The tragedy with my pain is that it can’t be shared but it demands to be felt on daily basis.

I decided I wanted no memorabilia after all. So I unclenched my fist and let it all fall to the ground.

I once completely exhausted myself looking for yellow flowers combined with notes of linden blossom and musk for a chic and radiant scent. I was completely intoxicated by this incredible fragrance, I searched in every corner of many different countries.

How many times have I walked out of my home and felt that I’ve forgotten keys, my purse, or my phone – and this musk.

I rushed back in, I looked around my own home, I made a mess, I made havoc, I looked under piles of books and in every corner, and then finally realised that my phone, purse, or keys, were in my bag or my back pocket – until one day I was wearing ripped jeans and my car key slid out of my ripped back pocket. I have learned my lesson – to never wear ripped jeans – or if I ever did, to never put my car keys in my back pocket.

However, my search to find this musk continued. Suddenly one day I found a concentrated fabric conditioner which had warmth and radiance in it. I felt the thrill of the perfumer’s art, inspired by distinguished trends in fine fragrance. I brought it home.

I washed my scarf today in this fabric conditioner. I wrapped it around my neck and now my neck is the source of this scent. It’s following me everywhere I go. I feel like I am in a fresh town. I have never come across a fragrance more divine than this one .

I tell myself that whatever I choose is the right choice. I hope I can continue fooling myself forever, but this time I got it right. No old pattern was repeated. One melodic note at a time.